Saturday, April 25, 2009

So... conflict anyone?

So I got a question for ya…
I try to embrace critique. It isn’t always easy, and it is sometimes a real fight with my pride. However, I think the benefits outweigh the cost, so I choose to open myself to criticism so that I can continue to grow and change.
When I feel like I am forced into a decision I don’t quite agree with, I want to pull that situation back out and examine it and see if I reacted correctly. This is nothing personal against anyone, I want to see and judge my actions. The bible says judge not lest ye be judged. I don’t want to judge, I WANT to be judged… Please judge me!
So if any of you are up for a good clock cleaning, BRING IT ON! I keep telling yall to be brutal, and no one will… Rip me to shreds… in love.
Please note, you are welcome to disagree with me, but that doesn’t’ mean I will change my mind, it will just mean we disagree. We can still be friends.
Ok here is the situation I was talking to a friend on MSN IM the other day, and she asked me if I save my conversation history. I said yes. As a security measure I have my im set to save all conversations. Mainly because I can be slow sometimes, some things take a day or two to sink in. If I have my conversations saved I can go back to them and look at what I said a few days later and see if I still agree with myself, or if I need to change my stance on that.
She got very upset, and promptly asked me to delete them. When I said no, she said I was being childish immature and disrespectful.
I said she simply needed to trust me that no one would ever see them, they are my conversations too, and are stored on a secure password protected laptop, that only I ever use.
Here is my question. Since my computer is secure and they were my conversations, was it my right to refuse to delete?
OR
Was it her right to DEMAND I delete them? (She said she was asking but she asked repeatedly and badgered me until I felt bullied into doing it, saying such things as “Well you are being selfish and immature if you don’t delete them, that is just childish.”
Oh, an interesting note, On MSN IM you can set it to save, but on Yahoo, it just saves them, and you can’t delete them…
Please vote and tell me what you would have done. I really want to know.

5 comments:

Becky said...

Whoa! I would have let her know that you WILL be saving YOUR conversations and if she doesn't like it then she doesn't have to converse with you.

Right? Its her choice then... the ball is in her court.

Becky said...

Um, could you please delete my last comment.






KIDDING, kidding, LOL.

Deanna Shrodes said...

Oh wow, I never knew you could set it to save. There are honestly times I have had someone IM me, and catch me off guard with things, and to have a witness I have copied/pasted it into a document and saved it. (Note - this hasn't been "friend to friend" chatting but rather it's been something connected to pastoral ministry where people said/did something and I needed to have a witness or record of it).

Hmmmmmm...I have not ever considered this as nobody has ever asked me!

I think Becky has a good idea - let her know you do save the conversations. Then it's her choice.

I would not do anything under manipulation either. That is completely wrong.

Nissa said...

I would most definitely have saved it. If she's worried about her convos being saved, she shouldn't be chatting with IM. Whats the big deal about saving them anyways...if she's a true friend she should trust you...thats kind of a "big" thing in any kind of relationship...you know? I can't believe she said what she said...that really shocked me...you were very correct in using the word "bullied" you into it...not cool!

Tami said...

Personally I do something similar (and maybe I shouldn't be having this conversation on here!) - if I'm having a conversation with someone and I'm concerned about it in any way for any reason - I print it out after we're done chatting and hang onto it. I used to do this a lot when I was discussing family problems with teens that I worked with (honestly to protect my own behind). I haven't done this in a long time - but would not hesitate to do it again.
Having said that :-) I don't see anything wrong with what you did. At the most I would say maybe with some people, you should let them know ahead of time that the conversation is being "recorded" so to speak. Nope - don't think you should have to delete them. Sorry - but that is why you have to be careful of what you say - you never know who's listening ;-) Isn't there something in the bible about the tongue??
Seriously - I totally get privacy and wanting that - and if it's a good friend, they should know you will protect that. I also understand that when I type anything - I know it can be printed or recorded - so - I be careful of what I say if I'm concerned about it.
Make sense?? That was a lot of words! (and yes, you may save them or print them out ;-) )

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